It’s been awhile!
I’m really happy at this point in my life, which is maybe why I’ve been so quiet. I was never a fair weather blogger.
I’ve grown in the past few years, if only in the fact that I’m more content with what I have: a job that challenges me in both good and bad ways, healthy and fulfilling relationships, and a little daughter who makes us laugh all the time. I feel very fortunate.
That being said, I decided to take the advice of my doctor late last year and see a therapist. After complaining of relentless exhaustion due to what I suspected was a resurgence of anemia, he told me he suspected I was still affected by the traumatic birth of my daughter. So, I booked an appointment late last autumn, missed it, then rebooked just about a month ago.
It’s not the first time I’ve been to a therapist. Following the split-up of my mom and step-dad, they recommended I see a counselor. I attended one session and then refused to go back. I just wanted to move on and forget everything that had happened. Since then, I’ve been very skeptical of therapy (although I have been to a few since then for short stints during a difficult time a few years back). I always had this idea that seeing a therapist was only validating a sense of victimhood inside of me, which would make me weaker, not stronger, but I have seen how both therapy and drugs have dramatically helped alleviate suffering in a few people I love. Of course, I know it helps people.
I’ve improved considerably since I made that initial doctor’s appointment, and I’m sure I don’t have post-partum depression anymore, but I’m still going to go. I’ve had my fair share of trauma, and there’s the other possibility that I am spending a lot of energy managing attention deficit disorder (I say this very reluctantly after the intake I just had with them). Apparently, the symptoms of ADD and PTSD can look strikingly similar. Whichever one it is (if it’s either of them at all), I’ve finally resolved to be potentially labeled by DSM-5 if it helps me and my family. I’ve surrendered to the path they’ve set for me over the next several weeks, and I’m committed to remaining open at least during this time.