Whooooaa there ‘open relationship’ horsies!

Golly gosh darn. I nearly can’t take the learning curve of the last few days. I’d estimate it to be about an 89.9 degree angle. And covered in cherry flavored massage oil.

Right after posting what I thought were my exact thoughts on this particular topic of love and open relationships, I had to fess up to unconscious bluffing on some points. That sucks, in like, the most sheepish way ever.



As mentioned, I’ve started dating someone who has a partner. We had a phone conversation last evening, and it got a tad harried from my side when he broached the topic of ‘other people’ involved. What he heard on the line was my silence as he tripped over his words. What I heard on the line was confrontation.

Up until this chat, I envisioned we would talk about serious stuff like this:


I can feel what you’re saying..I don’t need to hear it, K?
Photo courtesy ostrichheadinsand.com


I guess his idea was more something like this:

Couple fighting young woman about to cry

My impulse: nananananananana

Damn him for being mature. Really. DAMN HIM.

I said I was tired, and we hung up. I was immediately exhuasted and slept like a baby, until I had a dream that my best childhood friend busted into my teenage bedroom and shreaked: “Why are you doing this to yourself? When are you going to just be normal?”

It didn’t sit well with me. I panicked and proceeded to whatsapp myself out of the entire fiasco with open guy. Which then made the harried phone chat the night before look bald. Shiny bald.

Then, I calmed down.

Now, I’m sorta laughing about it. We sometimes put so much stock into love and relationships, but if we can let go, trust that we have our own back, and know that other people do care for us (and if they really don’t, we/god/the Great All still have our back), then maybe we’d learn to be a bit more content with life. Maybe we learn to become less fearful.


To confessional bloggers:

We will sometimes write things we think we mean, when we actually don’t. And then later, maybe we do mean it, but we just needed to breath some life into the idea first.  We may make up little lies in our head, because we’re human. We may omit things, and twist things, and shade things in a way that won’t hurt this person or make that person mad.

And then we’ll read it back, and we’ll learn a bit more about ourselves. Because writing is revealing. Writing is opening up, and bringing in perspectives and people and shit that our brain may block.

I say, keep going…just keep going.


  1. I totally get how caught up you are. Thank you for sharing and admitting you’re not perfect.

    This really struck a chord with me as I’m in an open relationship myself, right now. It’s also a long distance one. Missy, for someone with a commitment to honesty, your ostrich impression is frighteningly convincing. Did you know that he had someone else when you entered into it?

    And did you truly accept it? True acceptance (and love) is free from jealousy.

    • I did not fully accept it as you know from my next post. It’s a new day of learning…I suspect my soul is sitting quietly with a smile and a knowing nod, like, yeah honey, what’s this about? What are we going to remember about love?

      • Like everything, things change. You grow to accept, because this is part of love. And if it isn’t love, then it will still enrich you, just in a different way. 🙂 I love that you’re always learning Jami, from what little I’ve read of your blog, and not shying away from the truly, truly uncomfortable.

      • Thank you…your words mean a great deal to me right this moment. A great deal.

  2. Well if breaking up is hard to do, it’s got nothing on growing up has it Darl? Proud of you Jami…and, for what it’s worth, I’ve got your cyber-back when it all its the fan too. Hug

  3. Leonoid

    I have a feeling, the emotions are just illusions. Naive sophistication to feel at ease with absolutely simple designs of evolution. the “true” meaning of relationships just hyped up for our own convenience , to suite our belief systems.

    • Hmm, I thought about this today. I would ask, if there are no emotions, then what is left? What is the purpose of existence? And I would not call the designs of life simple by any stretch of the imagination. Our human minds are simply to simple to grasp even a shred of what’s going on, even if they do tell us in science class we’ve got it largely sorted. Bullocks, IMHO. 😉

      I do believe we create a lot of ideas to prop up some pretty archaic belief systems…curious what belief systems your thinking of.

      Thank you for your comment Leonoid!

  4. Leonoid

    Thank you for the reply. It is based on the belief system evolved in you. I appreciate that and my objective in the short time I spend here would not be to challenge it, but to share my views.

    The belief system I have evolved , suggests our belief systems evolves from a mix of nature and nurture . However unique we think our belief systems are, it could get bucketed into one of few patterns. Our behavior , at least response to a particular kind of stimuli is largely predictable , attributed to neural circuits patterns in a specific bucket.

    It may sound a weird and pessimistic mental model to have. But it has its benefits too. It helps to distinguish the smug out of emotions. Dealing with a heart break, I found my responses in dealing with it too average. My viewpoint of my own response . It was an effort to try everything to avoid the loss of meaning in life . With the insight , I look at it less emotionally, as a universal pattern , a craving triggered by reward pathways, a drop in dopamine! People eventually get over it , I know , so would I.

    • Your sentiment/idea here is what I have been realizing the last few days, as I deal with my own heartbreak. Thanks for sharing your views, Leonoid.

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