Open

heart

Did you know that the pulsing is not from blood flowing, but an electromagnetic pulse emanating from our hearts? Look up “heart math” if you’re interested to learn more.

There are times where one day blends seamlessly into the next, and then there are times where so much shit gets crammed into 24 hours that you can literally see your eyelids aging. A time warp is currently occurring in my 37th year, not only from splitting from my partner, but also because my freelance career is going so well it’s very nearly kicking my ass, and because I have been dating multiple men, all of whom have their own, unique brand of intrigue.

I joined Tinder recently. It was nothing more than a fit of spontaneity that sprang from sheer boredom one rainy evening. Plus, my husband had installed the app and was reaping the fruits of his swiping labor. Why shouldn’t I also engage in this hard science of first impressions, I questioned the universe. I began swiping shortly thereafter, despite the voices in my head telling me it was too soon.  I also wanted cheap validation. I also wanted a fun date. So fast-forward to now, where I’ve been on dates with the following men:

  • The Brazilian anthropologist who enjoys pontificating as much as I do
  • The Iranian (Dutch national) war-child advocate and math teacher who sometimes decides to bike from the Netherlands to Israel
  • The “normal” Dutch guy who is actually not very normal at all
  • The Dutch Arteest, art teacher and apparent Jami whisperer

Since I’m feeling bashful from having not blogged for awhile, I’m going to break myself in by saying nothing more at this moment. My husband is the only one who knows the entire story…a story we’ve both chuckled through, in spite of myself. I want to make clear though that I have nothing but respect for all of these guys. I find it incredible that I found them through Tinder. They are all intelligent, kind and interesting in their own way.

I will also share my learning around engaging in open relationships. Two of the above are in “open relationships” of very different natures. It’s been a learning curve for me. It’s been a useful one.

I leave you with the following quote from The Future of Love by Daphne Kingma, which I’m currently re-reading:

“Far from being rigid, relationships are a miraculous, organic process. Just as each time we take a new breath to both inhale and exhale, there is also an organic rhythm to our intimate connections. There is a rhythmic movement to our breathing, a coming and going, an entering and departing. Between these actions is an exquisite moment of stillness in which the essence of life occurs. Life breathing, like the tides and seasons change, so, too, do our relationships. Just as we breathe both in and out, there is an incoming and outgoing energy in all our intimate connections. The very essence of any relationship is movement.” 

As always, thank you for reading.

 

6 comments

  1. Looking forward to the stories Jami…you rock!

  2. I can’t wait to read about all those dates!

  3. Congratulations on your freelance career skyrocketing! that is my dream… to work for myself… Your experiences sound fun. It’s remarkable that you’ve met people worthy of respect, but maybe this is a Dutch thing (or an anywhere-but-London thing).

    The parallels are so weird! I also joined Tinder, about a week ago. I used it for casual hook ups, as it’s fantastic just seeing who on my matched list is within like a couple of kms of me.

    It was pretty much what I was expecting, very fun, and satisfied some of my horny urges. Of course, you never get to know someone well enough to have a deep sexual connection (or any kind of connection) because for me, seeing them again gets me to difficult ground – relationship territory.

    And before you say “seeing someone three times does not a relationship make” – i’ve already had a guy I saw precisely three times 1) ask me not to go to the US 2) ask me not to sleep with anyone else 3) call me ‘rude’, ‘have a sh*tty outlook’, ‘no wonder I have no friends’ and most charmingly after I stopped replying, ‘f*** your mum’.

    So, a mixed bag. 🙂

  4. Hey thank you! If it’s your dream, you should go for it right now. Just make it a reality by saying it first, as that’s what I’ve done. I started just saying I was what I wanted, and then it would just come to me. I’m a real believer in thinking that we “are” something before we actually realize it in things like freelance gigs, etc….

    Tinder: It’s so curious, eh? I met the open guy on Tinder…and he lives 2 km away. And he’s honestly such an interesting, kind-hearted guy! You can meet amazing people there. As for the three-time let’s go steady guy….I told myself that I don’t owe anyone anything. I have been on strict dates with most of these guys, and sometimes we haven’t even had a good night kiss other than three kisses on the cheek (which is the customary goodbye here). Anyway, what a creep that guy sounds like. People get hurt from rejection and they can’t be adults about it.

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