I’m in the kitchen with my mother-in-law, and there is a great feast before us on the kitchen island. We’re at some beach house resort, and while the sky is completely covered in dark blue clouds, the sun is somehow shining.
My husband has been gone all night, and I don’t know where he is. I’m really upset, but I know I have to deal. He’s moving on.
He suddenly appears and casually picks up a piece of toast, greets us both good morning, and walks outside. I follow him out, feigning cheerfulness.
Once we’re alone, he confirms that yes, he’s been with another woman. And yes, she is funny and sweet and generally very cool.
“She doesn’t give head like you do, though.”
We laugh a little. I decide that even though it’s breaking my heart to watch him move on, it’s for the best, and I’ll be ok.
I’m in Prague, in my ex-boyfriend’s old family apartment. There is food on the table, and I’m waiting for him and his brothers to join me so we can eat, like we had years earlier. My ex walks into the room. I know, somehow, that’s he’s got a girlfriend.
I ask him if I can give him a hug, at least. He says of course. When I wrap my arms around his shoulders, he picks me up and I wrap my legs around him, much like a child would. He tells me that he will hug me each morning until I leave.
He takes me to a room, where his girlfriend is nursing their newborn baby. I smile at her, and she smiles warmly in return. We have a brief but lovely chat.
I’m in a hotel, and there is a huge buffet spread before me. There is a bowling alley in the corridor, which seems odd but fun. I’m with a bunch of people, but it’s vague as to who they are.
I go to the bathroom, and as I’m returning down the hallway, I see my ex-lover walking toward me. Ah, I think to myself, I’m at a tech conference in Holland. Of course.
I try to ignore him as he has done with me, but he crosses over into my path to stop me. I look up and he smiles, and I cannot for the life of me prevent a smile from creeping across my face. He’s slightly heavier than I last remember, but he looks good.
We walk down the hallway toward a huge window that looks out to the sea. He sits down, and I stand, and we talk casually about web site projects we’re working on.
At one point, he looks past me, concerned, and I turn to find his new girlfriend walking toward us. She seems to be slightly irritated, like she had been waiting for him to bring back a bucket of ice. She smiles a big smile nonetheless, but he springs from his chair and begins walking down the corridor. She goes to follow him, but I smile at her, and she reluctantly extends a hand to mine. She looks beautiful – tan and happy.
I watch them walk down the hallway, him slightly in front of her since he hadn’t slowed down. I walk back, on the other side of the long buffet table, feeling content and in a place of acceptance.
I’m sleeping on the couch of my mother’s living room, when I suddenly wake up to see a spider scurry across the living room floor. I look over, and the spider grows to about the size of my hand. I sit up, frozen in fear. The spider crawls up behind me, and I look in the opposite direction, as if acknowledging it will encourage it closer.
Alas, the spider scurries over and crawls up my back and to my neck. I try to scream, but all that comes out is a puff of air. The spider morphs into some sort of millipede-type creature, but it’s in the shape of a starfish. It wraps itself symmetrically around my neck. I’m too afraid to touch it. I know doing so will result in it biting me.
I jump up and run up the stairs to my mother’s room, trying to scream her name. Nothing comes out but air. I try again. Nothing. I try groping at the creature, and it begins to not bite me, but sting me. It’s extremely painful.
I pound on her door, and she opens it, disoriented from sleep. I show her the parasite, which has now latched onto the central point of my spine right below the nape of my neck, but she acts confused. She doesn’t understand what I mean.
I claw at the creature again, and this time it falls off. I look down, and it’s a necklace of black pearls. I ask my mother to look at my neck, as I’d felt welts and places it had pierced my veins for blood. She see nothing, and when I look in the mirror, neither do I.
I’m dreaming a lot these days because I’m processing a major life shift. I believe these dreams are helping me get through emotions of loneliness and getting over old loves (and preparing myself for some time without romance – a much needed hiatus for me to just be myself).