planets aligning?

I recently posted about a string of misfortunes occurring within one week, all of which followed some really good news for my husband and I, who are splitting up. One of those incidents was getting my bike stolen.

I have a “new” bike now, but I’m having nightmares about forgetting where I put it, along with dreams about losing my purse and other precious valuables….

It’s a pretty nice mountain bike. I’m more than a bit paranoid about getting it stolen. I will never lock it to itself like I did my old bike, which means that I often end up roaming around wherever I am, refusing to add my bike to the piles of bikes locked to themselves and instead searching for some pole or fence to lock it to.

Well the other day I went to a coffee house to do a bit of weekend work, and I broke my rule. I was sitting outside where I could actually see my bike so thought there wouldn’t be much risk in just locking to itself. I looked down and read my book for an hour or so, content and happy in the sun. It was really crowded in the center that day so I guess I wouldn’t have heard my bike tire…

…exploding.

Yes, my bike tire exploded in that small span of time.

I don’t know if it happened when I’d briefly gone inside to use the bathroom, or if it was just too far away (on the other side of the square) for me to hear it above the hundreds of people talking. But it happened, alright. The inner tire was shredded in one spot. The tire had apparently been overfilled.

I stood there and just stared at the aftermath, finally looking up at the sky. I think I laughed, but then I realized that the bike shops were already closed. I wouldn’t have time to take it home before leaving for an event in Amsterdam.

I locked it to a fence and fretted the whole night about it being stolen, as unlikely as that would be. I just feel like I’ve had some really strange luck lately…and I believe we create our reality, so what does that say?

—————

It’s just that this event symbolizes how fucked up life feels right now. On the surface everything seems right, but something is stirring below…major things are shifting in my life, and I have to consciously tell myself (over and over) not to clench my jaw or slowly grind my teeth back and forth. The chronic stress and sadness over the last few years is finally taking a toll on my physical body.

This morning I watched the movie About Time, which was a sort of happy drama about the good life of this one young man. Nothing particularly bad happens to him, and his life proceeds happily: he meets a lovely woman, they have three children, his father dies, they mourn but move forward with life, etc. The plot is based on his ability to time travel, and it’s essentially about enjoying the simple things in life.

I bawled. I put my head down on the table and let myself carry on until I had nothing left. Then I went for a walk in this crazy wind storm. I am so ready to just move forward in my life.

20 comments

    • Oh thank god cuz otherwise some guy up there has it in for me….or just a great sense of humour! I can look at it this way: I was not ON the bike when it happened. I ride fast. It wouldn’t have been pretty.

      Thanks for stopping by RD. 🙂

  1. Moving forward is always hard to do, but it is essential to achieve happiness.

    • It is…it’s taken us a long time, and we are still going out kicking and screaming. We don’t fight. We still bizzarly still love each other, more than just best friends. We just don’t share the same vision, and it’s time to stop living mediocre lives together. Time to break out. Thanks for your kind words, D&S.

  2. It takes a lot of effort to look for the blessings in the things that happen sometimes. You are right when you said to RED “At least I wasn’t on the bike when it happened”. Blessing one. I’m sure there are more but they may be hidden by the clouds a little.
    Keep hanging in there Jami.

    • Thank you suzjones! It’s just been so strange…since then my parents-in-law got their house broken into and the very next day my mother in law had her purse stolen! O_o Strange days but indeed, nothing major thank heavens..anyway, thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  3. Every time I lock my bike up, I stare at my lock-up job, and I wonder if it’s an optical illusion, and the bike is not really locked up. I’ve looped the lock in and out and all around so many things, it’s like one of those magic tricks with the hoops where if you twist it just right, the hoops come apart.

    • Hahaha….we must have been made from the same mold. These days I’m also obsessively checking my purse to ensure my wallet hasn’t been lifted. If I can’t find it immediately (my purse is like a bottomless pit), I start having heart palpations.

  4. Hi Jami ,thank you so much for visiting my blog.Jami to achieve our objectives in life we have (l think ) to leave every thing behind and to look forward. .Best wishes.Jal

    • Hey thanks for stopping by, jmsabbagh. 🙂 I agree with you completey. I had to learn how to do that, but that process has liberated me on many levels. I don’t feel the extreme guilt I used to, which is pretty great.

  5. Once again l would like to say thank you for following my blog.Regards.

  6. I would say you ARE moving forward in your life! Sounds like you’re at a crossroads where you will be forced to learn something very positive about dealing with life.

    I know for me that stressing about life and the “stuff” it threw at me (or could potentially throw at me) used to rule my mind. After years of viewing it from a relatively negative perception (I’m talking about ME, not you or anyone else), I was finally ‘forced’ to adopt a different perspective or die from the addictions I had developed as a means of coping with life. These “means of coping” were no longer working, and frankly hadn’t worked in a very long time, but I was so immersed in my disease I couldn’t escape…

    Long story short, after getting clean and sober, I realized I had to find another path, and basically it was the two spiritual concepts of “acceptance” and “surrender” that began to free me from the confines of my old habits of worry, anxiety, depression, etc….

    “Surrender” is often misconstrued as “quitting,” and that may be true from a military standpoint, but in life it means “letting go.” I refer to it as “joining the winning side,” which is to me, letting the Universe do its thing, because it’s going to anyway. I “do the footwork” as it’s been expressed to me, but leave the outcome up to the Universe (or a Higher Power). Letting go of outcomes has given me more peace and freedom than I ever thought imaginable. I have gone from a Jedi master of worry, anxiety and depression to living a life largely free of worry, anxiety and depression…

    And for me, it’s been a miraculous transformation, and I have so many people to thank for that, including people like you who just honestly “put it all out there.” And, of course, some very wise words from books that were placed in my path.

    Didn’t mean to ramble, but I just go with the energy flow, and words start spewing forth, lol.

    Peace to you, Jami. Have a great week!

    Gary

    • Thank you for these words this morning! I will admit that I’ve used alcohol to cope at certain points, and I realize now that people don’t become alcoholics because they party too much, but because they simply cannot emotionally cope with the choices they have made (or what has happened to them, of course). But I can do more than just cope now, and I do take much more in stride than I did in a very recent past. I will be blogging about this coming up. Thanks for reading! 🙂

  7. Hello… I thought maybe I should visit you… since you might be writing a poem about my blog it only seemed fair. I like this post. It is very real. I mean, I’m sorry about the bike… and the tire… and the husband… but I hope you made it to Amsterdam. I love Amsterdam. I was there for about a week long ago… and it felt like a year.

    • Why thank you..i’d like to add that following this post my in laws got broken into and my husband got stung by a wasp in the face that made him look like he was sprouting a spare head. It’s been a strange few weeks. Thanks for stopping by!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: