I recently posted about a string of misfortunes occurring within one week, all of which followed some really good news for my husband and I, who are splitting up. One of those incidents was getting my bike stolen.
I have a “new” bike now, but I’m having nightmares about forgetting where I put it, along with dreams about losing my purse and other precious valuables….
It’s a pretty nice mountain bike. I’m more than a bit paranoid about getting it stolen. I will never lock it to itself like I did my old bike, which means that I often end up roaming around wherever I am, refusing to add my bike to the piles of bikes locked to themselves and instead searching for some pole or fence to lock it to.
Well the other day I went to a coffee house to do a bit of weekend work, and I broke my rule. I was sitting outside where I could actually see my bike so thought there wouldn’t be much risk in just locking to itself. I looked down and read my book for an hour or so, content and happy in the sun. It was really crowded in the center that day so I guess I wouldn’t have heard my bike tire…
Yes, my bike tire exploded in that small span of time.
I don’t know if it happened when I’d briefly gone inside to use the bathroom, or if it was just too far away (on the other side of the square) for me to hear it above the hundreds of people talking. But it happened, alright. The inner tire was shredded in one spot. The tire had apparently been overfilled.
I stood there and just stared at the aftermath, finally looking up at the sky. I think I laughed, but then I realized that the bike shops were already closed. I wouldn’t have time to take it home before leaving for an event in Amsterdam.
I locked it to a fence and fretted the whole night about it being stolen, as unlikely as that would be. I just feel like I’ve had some really strange luck lately…and I believe we create our reality, so what does that say?
It’s just that this event symbolizes how fucked up life feels right now. On the surface everything seems right, but something is stirring below…major things are shifting in my life, and I have to consciously tell myself (over and over) not to clench my jaw or slowly grind my teeth back and forth. The chronic stress and sadness over the last few years is finally taking a toll on my physical body.
This morning I watched the movie About Time, which was a sort of happy drama about the good life of this one young man. Nothing particularly bad happens to him, and his life proceeds happily: he meets a lovely woman, they have three children, his father dies, they mourn but move forward with life, etc. The plot is based on his ability to time travel, and it’s essentially about enjoying the simple things in life.
I bawled. I put my head down on the table and let myself carry on until I had nothing left. Then I went for a walk in this crazy wind storm. I am so ready to just move forward in my life.