I ate over half a large veggie pizza last night. I topped it off by eating the stale remnants of a bag of tortilla chips while trying to stay abreast True Blood’s deranged, season 5 plot. I later fell asleep fully clothed because I couldn’t be bothered to disrobe.
I woke up this morning looking like this.
Now, those who read this blog regularly are likely to see my roller-coaster psychology emerge. I write an exuberant post like how to grow your own food, and then I experience an irresistible urge to blog about the shit side of ego. So without further ado, here’s a recap of my boo-hoo-it’s-another-fucking-cloudy-day morning (thanks to those of you who actually make it to twenty):
- Get out of bed and hobble down the hallway in my pink robe. My feet hurt lately when I get up. It pisses me off. Make mental note to google it.
- Go downstairs and feed my cat Georgina. Hold her like a baby in the doorway until she squirms away, then sit on the kitchen floor and study the crustified bit of food on my oven door, as well as my puffy reflection. No plans with friends, family an ocean away, and the wheels of my mind are slowly gearing up. NoooooOOOO.
- Shuffle into the living room with a cup of coffee, open my MacBook and lament over the fact that I chipped my screen. Damn it damn it damn it.
- Read 10-15 blog posts from other people. Become simultaneously fascinated and overwhelmed with how many things I ought to think about more thoroughly. Leave meaningful comments on every single one. Wonder what sort of profound poetry I can muster today.
- Watch Jenna Marbles’ educational documentary on the harmful affects of caffeine.
- Watch Jenna Marbles’ Dunkin’ Donuts challenge.
- Go upstairs and step into the shower. Note: this is usually the time when I know what kind of day it’s going to be, because I either a)wash up like a normal, energy-concious human being and get out to towel off, or b)wallow under the shower for ages, usually sitting on the floor staring at the bathroom tiles or my belly button.
- Choose b)
- Eventually get out, sit on my bed and tell myself that I just need to sort out a plan. Ok, meditate.
- Set my alarm, sit down on a pillow, breath…no, stop thinking about that…ok just think about the sensations on the top of your head…hey STOP thinking about Alexander Skarsgard’s sexy fangs…ok accept it and let it pass, but now think about the top of your head…hey you, think about the top of your head…ok relax, just accept that you don’t want to think about the top of your head. ALEX’S AMAZING BODY.
- Realize with horror that I’m supposed to be at a friend’s house like, 30 minutes ago. Storm through house looking for favourite jeans and a matching pair of socks. Settle on a green-striped one and one gray one.
- Run out the door, hair wet, no makeup.
- Friend calls asking if we can meet at 12 instead of 11….tomorrow. Laugh sheepishly because it’s Saturday, and I have plans with her on Sunday. Walk back home. Realise that unemployment has unforeseen repercussions like losing all track of time.
- Decide to go into the center. Pack laptop, blueberries, chords, two pears, phone, two books (no wait…just bring one). Walk to tram.
- Get to tram, realize that I didn’t pack my laptop. Walk back, insert laptop into bag, return to tram.
- Listen to Muse’s 2nd Law – Unsustainable and think that it fits perfectly with the book I’m reading. Pledge to brilliantly blog about it.
- Get out of tram and walk with headphones to other Muse tunes, making passers by look like they’re in a dark music video. Feel very emotional at impending inability to sit down and express my feelings around war, love, and the evolution of humanity. Ask myself why I would want to in the first place.
- Sit down at cafe with my latte. Look down and realise that my hour meditation alarm has just gone off. I never did end up meditating.
- Write this blog.
Thank you for reading, and I hope your Saturday is either productive or joyful (or both).