It really has to go up from here. And I’ll try not to freak out in the process.

I had another elevator dream last night. In these recurring dreams, the elevator I’m stuck in either soars into the sky, submerges into the earth, or goes sideways into some alternate realm.


I realised I’d forgotten my jacket in some skyscraper’s top-floor restaurant, so I stepped into its bottom-floor elevator to retrieve it. I pulled down on a plane-like lever to increase the speed, because in my dream logic, it would otherwise take ages to ascend that far. I must have pulled a smidgen too hard though, because it shot up at mock speed, sending me into a panic attack.

The floor numbers spun by on this spedometer-like dial, and when I saw it flip over to “0000”, I knew I’d reached floors higher than the building itself. The elevator began spinning like a Tilt-a-Whirl, slamming me against the wall with its centrifugal force.

I began wailing and begged for it to stop. The elevator obeyed by coming to an abrupt halt and opening its doors to reveal a quiet, suburban mall. Muzak echoed from a high ceiling, and people slowly walked by like zombies. I could only see their shadows. As I exited the elevator, I was immediately calm and walked into a grocery store to pick up a few items, one being a Care Bear greeting card. The lighting was bluish, and the store clerks looked sullen and ill. 


Useful note: Right before bed last night, I had waaaay too much black licorice while watching World War Z. Before that, I watched Warm Bodies. I have this strange craving for zombie movies lately.


The holidays are now over, and my former colleagues are getting back to work and normal life in 2014. Not me. I’m encountering a life transition that terrifies that insecure part of me….it’s essential that I gather courage wherever I can and not pull the breaks on the momentum that has already begun in my life.

With that, I’m off to the gym to squat myself into confidence.

Happy first “real” day of 2014!


  1. Squats? Butt Evo, I thought you were confident. (Oh, if you could hear the evil chuckles emanating from deep within me at the moment.) *nav is insufferably pleased with himself* }:-))>

    Yes, perhaps a double dose of zombie movies at bedtime is not the best for a relaxing night’s sleep.

    Don’t mean to pry, but aren’t your present circumstances naturally aligned with a minimum 50% expansion in family membership? I’ll be the devil’s advocate and ask: isn’t this naturally part of individual evolution?

    Comment made with appropriate sort of love, of course.

    • Hardy har har you so funny!!! No, I am not confident with everything, though you would not know face to face since I’m a good faker. Insecurity rears its ugly head when I write here in this blog, and I suspect some posts are kind of lame. That’s ok though, really. Blogging is an exercise in humbality…is that a word?

      • I might opt for humility, but humbality certainly communicates the meaning. I think many of us are more insecure than we generally let or or are even willing to acknowledge. Blogging can be intimidating at first, in that anything we write reveals something about ourselves for all the world to see. Yet it is also good for the self-confidence, in that we learn to overcome or perhaps even master such insecurity.

        As to the 2nd comment, please forgive me if I am offside, but you sound as if you’d make a great Mom. I know this can be politically incorrect these days, but as far as I am concerned this is a serious compliment.

      • No offense taken, and you’re not the only one to have said that to me. Motherhood is a beautiful thing, no doubt about it.

      • It is with slight hesitation that I disclose that I will likely be addressing this topic in my sequel. Any time you want to share your thoughts on this, I am all ears. No worries if you don’t.

        Motherhood is indeed a beautiful thing. Fatherhood too, speaking from experience.

        Take care.

    • And the second comment: answering that right now would be biting off more than I can chew right now, 1965. Maybe at some point..:)

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