a project

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Jami, by Jason Coady

I’m going to hammer you out, ego.

I’m going to take you to a murky lake and rub you against a washboard with a roughness you’ve known longer than me. I’m going to feverishly scrub you clean.

I’m going to paint you layers of yellow, then white, then pink, then red, then black, then white again. I’ll use turpentine to scrape off your layers and leave you as a piece of bare, dead wood to warp in the moisture of days.

I’m going to sculpt you with a vulgar tool. I’m going to carve deep grooves into you; litter your surface with sharp reliefs; make you a map of valleys and peaks.

I’m going to polish you until you shine like the slippery, metal sphere you are. I’m going to take a blowtorch to you and tarnish your obnoxious shine until you’re rustic.

I’m going to stare at you with no understanding, and I will watch you with a great knowing.

I’m going to hate and love you, simultaneously. I’m going to sustain you and denounce you. I’m going to beat you to a bloody pulp, and I’m going to nurture you in a fetal embrace.

I’ll throw whisky on you in a dark place, and after that, blow smoke in your face.

I’m going to appease you, ego. And I will once again reject you.

Oh oh oh, the things I will do with you!

6 comments

  1. Good thing you didn’t say that you were going to thrown whiskey on ME in a dark place. I might have fainted with ecstasy. What WOULD Freud say? Very interesting post, my dear Evo.

    I am beginning to suspect that genuine spirituality achieves, paradoxically, the perfectly healthy ego and the non-existent ego simultaneously. The supra-ego state.

    • Maybe just maybe a teensy weensy bit o’ whiskey accompanied me as I wrote this, 1965. I struggle a little with what to do, and I guess I’ll admit it!! Today marks the last day of my corporate life. I will blog about this transition soon, but for now it’s heels and a suit and a strong cup of coffee. 🙂

  2. Mich-in-French

    I like this E – this is like ego DIY – I like it I think it does the ego good to have some serious do overs from time to time – me – I prefer to throw a great glass of red at mine when she takes over and gets too out of hand. 😉

    • Hey Michelle thanks for your comment! DIY – I like that! 🙂 I really feel that many of us are having to forge a new path, given the freedom we’ve been blessed with in the last few generations. So many generations before us didn’t have this luxury of pondering our own existence, but it’s also a responsibility: to seek out our dreams without spiraling into self-aggrandizement or narcissism. In this post, I highlight my own struggle with that balance. Thank you for the follow, btw!

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