“One thing: you have to walk, and you have to create the way by your walking. You will not find a ready-made path. It is not so cheap, to reach to the ultimate realization of truth. You will have to create the path by walking yourself; the path is not ready-made, laying there and waiting for you. It is just like the sky: the birds fly, but they don’t leave any footprints. You cannot follow them; there are no footprints left behind.”
Insomnia has had me in a death grip the last few nights. I squeezed Visine into my bloodshot eyes before work this morning, but I’m still a pale and shadowy remnant of myself. There’s just no faking it when you’re in the midst of heart-wrenching change. I’m just trying not to BE the feeling of my gut eating itself alive.
I’ve hit a crossroad: my time as wife has come to a bitter-sweet finale, my career path may soon shift beneath me, and I live in a country that is not my own. It may be that I have too few attachments to stay; that life may be calling me to another adventure in another place.
Lately, I’ve been recalling a time when I was young and shiny, and I hadn’t mucked up my ‘perfect’ life yet. I was spoiled, too.
My past has settled into my eyes these days, and I’ve just got to absorb the decisions I’ve made into my being. I guess that’s called growing up. We have to make tough, scary choices if we truly want to live, and we can’t always make the ‘right’ ones. I am ready to let go of my past mistakes, be they mistakes or not, and revel in the opportunities that now lay before me.
I read once that it’s not so much that people are afraid of what they aren’t capable of, so much as they’re afraid of what they are capable of. I won’t forget that.
Embrace your freedom in whatever form it presents itself to you…even if it’s wrapped in damned scary.